THE DAILY TABLE::It's Mama's Kitchen

"It's your kitchen!", Cinnamon exclaims as she notices me staring at my husband at the sink drinking from the faucet trying to lessen the burn of the raw garlic. "It's hot", he replies and walks out of the kitchen. Yes, we had a lot of raw garlic for dinner to go along with the spaghetti that Cinnamon requested for dinner.

"It's Mama's kitchen because mommies can cook", continues Cinnamon.

"Papas can also cook", adds Saffron, "...but not ours!" I had to laugh. I wish it wasn't true, but unfortunately it kind of is. Or it's simply a matter of becoming comfortable in our respective "roles".

I'm sure if my husband really wanted to learn, like if I wasn't around, he might be able to pull it off with time. Kind of like if my husband was not around and something happened to my computer. I'd think about looking into the issue. Maybe. I used to deal with computer issues and networks for a couple of large companies (it's how I met my husband) but I never felt it was my "thing". I even passed a few industry certifications, but then life changed. Change is what it's all about these days. Sometimes good, sometimes a real challenge.

As my daughter walked out the door this morning to catch the school bus, she handed me a colorful bead bracelet she made. One she carried in her backpack. She wanted me to keep it safe. "Why?", I asked.

Apparently the girl she sits next to on the bus keeps taking out a few items in my daughter's backpack as my daughter reaches for a book to read on the short drive to school. Ugh! These are the challenges I face now. Defending my children and trying to make things better for them. It's a different kind of challenge and one that, I suspect, will not get easier as they grow older and encounter mean people in a sometimes unfair world.

After I dropped off my younger two at school this morning, I took some much needed time for myself. "Are you coming back", my husband asked as I was walking out the door with Cinnamon and Sage. "I have a few errands to run", I replied. Usually I return within 15 minutes to sit and have coffee with him. Today, I needed to get out of the house. It can get "cagey" at times.

I had no set plan where I was going. All I knew was that it had to be outside of the house...at least for an hour or two. My first stop was Pottery Barn. I hadn't been there in a while. The store displays are always so beautiful that I sometimes wish I could live there. Only sometimes. Today I noticed some Christmas displays amongst the Thanksgiving table setups. Everything is so clean, seasonal, beautiful, and super organized. I guess it's why I love going there...because it's so opposite of our home. I did treat myself to one coffee mug - in red, of course.

When my husband saw it he said, "Oh, you bought another photo prop!". "No", I replied, "it's for me". "Ah! You're actually going to use it." You bet I am! These are great mugs. I know...I have one in brown and in aqua. Maybe next time I'll get the white one. Or the green one. Or both.

My next stop was heaven. For me, that's the bookstore. I spent a while there looking through new releases and books for the kids. I stumbled upon a Ravensburger puzzle with the title "Sanctuary of Knowledge". It would be the ultimate dream to live in such a place - a castle/cathedral-like place in the English countryside, surrounded by bookcases lined with hundreds and hundreds of books, on floors above and below. All the while enjoying a nice evening by the fire with one of those books. Heaven indeed! Yes, I did get that 1000 piece puzzle. Although I'm not sure when I'll get around to putting it together. I still have the Death by Chocolate one to complete.

I walked out of the bookstore with something for everyone. A new Babar book for Sagey (the Ghost one)...

...four math/reading workbooks for Saffron in addition to a "Little Bear" reading book...

...and two connect-the-dot activity books for Cinnamon. Also a magazine for my husband and new release book for me from a favorite author of mine. I almost grabbed Patricia Cornwell's new book, but held back, for now.

My last stop was the one I had intended to be my only stop - Whole Foods - to buy milk and ingredients for whatever came to mind for dinner. I got in and out of there fairly quickly and drove home where I had enough time to read the first chapter of John Grisham's new book, "Racketeer".

Dinner turned out to be different than I had intended. I started to take out the celery and carrots for lentil soup when Cinnamon stated she wanted spaghetti for dinner. "Ok", I replied. That's much easier than chopping a bunch of veggies and having the soup cook on the stove for 2+ hours. No sauce to make either. All the girls wanted on their spaghetti was freshly grated Parmesan. As for my husband and me...I chopped up several cloves of garlic and combined that with fresh oregano and basil from the garden, along with fresh thyme, olive oil, sea salt, and Urfa red pepper. A quick and simple no-cook "sauce" for times when you just don't feel like spending more time in "your" kitchen.

Sagey fell asleep before dinner. I suspect he'll be rather hungry tomorrow for breakfast.

THE DAILY TABLE::The Crumble Factor

When I saw the words "below expected level" on an email from my first grader's teacher, it took me back three years when I saw the words "failure to thrive" on my 6-month old son's medical records. He was 6 months old and weighed a mere 11 pounds. He'd been sick and we had him checked out by the pediatrician before our 5-week long winter trip to Berlin. He needed more nutrition than he'd been getting which is why we had to supplement the breast milk with formula (something I had hoped not to have to do). Despite that setback, it's apparent that he's now thriving.

Back to "below expected level"...that was what we were told that Saffron would see on her report card next week in relation to her reading comprehension. That's not taking into account that she can read all of the required words for first grade through the end of the year. It's merely the fact that she is shy and cannot express herself fully when she's not comfortable with others.

She also has an "issue" with the last few letters of a word. Reading "looks" instead of "looked", as an example. I loved my husband's response to the email: "I noticed that she skips endings while reading. It is a matter of her interest to care to that level in my opinion." Yeah, it's not much of an issue with her as she gets the point. At home, she's able to recall full details of a story. Apparently at school she seems frozen. 

I'm not worried. Sure, she's the youngest in her class. But how many of those children can say they can speak three languages? All three of mine...

Back in the kitchen, I decided to rewrite another of my Berlin cake recipes. One of the three chocolate cakes. The one I made with cocoa, cinnamon, and those small German plums. I had no plums today so I decided to go with the cocoa and cinnamon. Plus, I remember the cinnamon overpowering the taste of the plums.

The notes in my journal from the summer reminded me that the cake was moist - not crumbly. I judge all of my cakes on what I call "the crumble factor". If there are an abundance of crumbs on the plate, table, chairs, and floor where the children are sitting, the cake is too dry. Today was that case. The crumble factor was a bit higher than I'd anticipated, given that the batter was not too fluid, although the cake was truly not what I'd call dry at all. The recipe needs a little more tweaking, but not too much.

The first thing I'd change is omitting the Black Onyx Cocoa Powder. That's the really dark powder you see in the above photo. It's a super alkalized cocoa powder and I want a more mellow taste to the cake. The next thing I'd do is add the rest of the third egg. I added only the yolk. In addition, I'd add more buttermilk. Since I didn't have the moisture from the plums, the recipe needed more liquid.

Dinner was next. I had a craving for potatoes and cabbage, so I made Potato and Cabbage Gratin. Perfect for the Autumn season - despite the fact that it's still too warm here in Texas. I'm anxiously awaiting cooler weather so I can make more soups. Somehow, eating soups in 87F degree weather simply seems wrong.

The kids, no surprise, didn't eat the gratin. I knew that and made extra mashed potatoes for the Cinnamon and Sage. Sage refused and decided to eat a tortilla instead. Yes, a plain flour tortilla. And cake, of course. Saffron ate the leftover rice dish from yesterday with Greek feta. And cake. They all wanted more cake. I had to refuse the kids another slice. "Tomorrow", I promised.

P.S. This early morning's Depeche Mode announcement and new song was welcoming...Love that black and white video that was shot in New York!

10-11-12-13-14 ::THE DARK TUNNEL OF TIME

What are you doing at this particular point in time? What are you thinking?

Me? It's a sort of useless day. I don't find anything wrong with that. Yes, I grew up listening to Depeche Mode. All the time. I wore black...all the time. One time I shocked a class of my peers by walking into the room wearing all white. At one time I had short firey red hair. I loved it and wish I could do it again. When my husband met me (the year my father died almost 10 years ago), I had jet black hair with splotches of blond - a mistake that caused my hair to both look and feel like straw. Because of that, my husband doesn't "allow" me to color my hair. "It's for people in Berlin", he says.

Things need to be done - a large pile of dishes, a kitchen table wiped clean, mountains of laundry to be washed and ironed, hats to be photographed and listed in my shop - or not, a long line of recipe posts along with photographs waiting to be posted but which will most likely never see the light of day...the list goes on forever it seems. Never ending, no respite. Some things will eventually be done. Others might not.

I'm thinking and wondering why did we have to move a gagillion times growing up? We were not in the Army (despite always being asked that). Why did we pack up all that we owned into one huge moving van and spend a shortened summer in Georgia? Why did my father have to die at a young age of 59 after being sick for an entire decade prior to that? Why? Why? Why?... Too many never ending questions.

What does the future hold? Well, one thing I did promise myself was that when I had children, I was not going to drag them from one address to another unless absolutely necessary. Did you attend 3 different schools in 2 different states in 3 different cities in 6th grade? No? Well, I did. I remember that route to school and the nice hardware store owner I saw everyday to and from school. He gave me a shooting fly swatter one day. Then one day I found out that he was shot to death in his store. Nice path to school when you're 11 years old. Do you have 30+ addresses attached to your name? Well, I do (although I believe that number is closer to 40). This house we live in now is the longest I've ever lived at one address - no joke. So, it's no surprise that I have the yearning to move. We most likely will not be moving at the moment but changes are coming.

Midlife is a strange time in one's life (I'm 42). A time when you're no longer carded when buying that bottle of red wine. A time when you think about your past more and more and wonder how your future will look. At times it seems as if you're driving in a dark tunnel waiting to get out on the other side. What is that other side? Will you be able to provide for your family? Will you be happy doing so? Change is inevitable. Without it you are stuck in the middle. You think about your past and although there is nothing you can do to change it, you can do things to better the future of your children.

Midlife is a time of reassessment. A time of challenge in both personal and work relationships. When some men return from a long drive with a shiny new yellow sports car one week and a new woman on their arm the next. Or when other men stick it out and drive with you through that dark tunnel of time to get to something that's hopefully better. It's a time when nothing seems to make sense yet we have to somehow make sense out of the senseless. Or do we?...

So, that's what I'm thinking on this crazy warm day. It's 79 degrees and I simply wish it would be cold, dark, and overcast.

P.S. My middle daughter just ran into my room to inform me that it started raining. It's a start...

P.P.S. More favorites...Enjoy the Silence and Walking in My Shoes

DOES PAPA WORK?

This morning as Saffron and I were walking to the school bus stop, she noticed the next-door neighbor's car pulling out of the garage. Being a few minutes past 7h, it was still dark outside.

She turned to me and asked, "Why do people go somewhere at night?"

"It's not night, it's the morning", I replied. "They're going to work to make money."

"Does Papa?", she asked.

"Does Papa what?"

"Work.", she replied. I laughed.

My husband works from home and travels frequently. In fact, he's in New York this week.

THE DAY MY HUSBAND JOINED FACEBOOK

Yes, that would be today. After years of resistance, he finally gave in and created an account on Facebook.

I remember four years ago when I reluctantly joined Facebook. At times I'm still asking myself "What's the purpose? What's the point? Is there a point?"...which also I wonder about Twitter nowadays. Almost gone are the times when people simply pick up the phone to ask what's going on in someone else's life. Or better yet, get together in person to enjoy a face-to-face conversation. Now it's the convenience of a keyboard - anytime, anywhere.

So, a new era begins...the one where husband and wife might find out more about each other online than speaking face to face.

Oh, by the way...nothing online is truly private. At least not on social media.